Updated: Mar 11
She is tired....her thoughts incoherent, eyes sleepy, tears rolling down her cheeks as her memories flash in front of her eyes like a movie.
It was 2020, the new year....people were celebrating and rejoicing with hope and joy. She too was determined and hopeful, realising little what the destiny has planned for her. Confident as always, she topped her class, acknowledged as the most intelligent one, the *topper* who seems invincible. It was from the third month of the year, March 2020, that her situation began to change. Lockdown announced, a fear of unknown illness floating around in the thin air. Regardless of her high hopes, she seemed to stutter and fall. She set her aim way too high, with countless dreams and desires, and the burden of
fulfilling those lies on her fragile shoulders. She was, thus, tired. It was at this moment, that the evil shadow, which remains hidden in the dark came out. "Depression" - a term so commonly used by young ones to describe their "sad" which remains hidden in the dark came out. "Depression" - a term so commonly used by young ones to describe their "sad" life, was her reality, not just a description. She slowly realised that throughout 14 years of her school life, this shadow had been hidden inside, hollowing her from the inside out. Now when the situation was deemed to be favourable, it plunged itself towards its prey, completely devouring its petty, fragile prey.
She tried and failed, tried again and failed again and the vicious cycle carried on. The failure was obvious due to the shadow devouring and sucking her strength but she was oblivious to it. She thought she failed coz she didn't work hard enough, coz she is useless, worthless and a complete
failure. The continuous reputation of being a "topper" ate her inside out helping her shadow grow more.
Recalling her memories, she completely surrenders to god. Tired of the storm, she lays down like a warrior, filled with gloom and reminisces of the past. She prays to let her be, to let her future be bright...she prays for a ray of hope. Whether her prayers will be accepted or not, she'll stay strong and face the choices of the almighty...........
B.A. (hons) English 1st year, Mahila Mahavidyalaya, BHU